We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
