My first STD was from a foam party
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
