I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Did I show you my penis last night?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
