He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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