If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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