Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
