She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
