I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
