Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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