College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
