Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
