i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Text me some of your sweat
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
