On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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