I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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