Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
