I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
