She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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