We're facebook friends in real life
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
