but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
