Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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