Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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