peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
