You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You were trust falling into bushes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
