Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
