Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
