I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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