Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
