im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
