I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
