I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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