An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
