I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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