Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They took my balls.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
