This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
