The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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