I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
