How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
