My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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