It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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