Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
