My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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