Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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