3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
