He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Alive.
So much puke
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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