dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
