Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
