Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
