what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Enjoy the penises
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
