Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
