Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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