The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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