I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
