I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
