please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
