How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
