having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
